Ashkiera's Ghost (ashkierasghost) wrote,
Ashkiera's Ghost

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Late last year I got sick and almost died.  I have always heard that after such a near death kind of thing (nope no tunnel or light or anything like that -- I just mean the fact I missed dying by a hair's breath).  That after something like that most people say that they are changed.  A phrase I read a lot is that they no longer, "sweat the small stuff."  Or something like that.  That almost dying makes them see all of life as beautiful and precious and they are much more laid back and mellow.  Or sometimes they get motivated to do something special.  Or something like that.  It makes them more able to deal with what life throws at them.  Everything else, after nearly dying, just seems trivial.

Well....  Not me... It just pissed me off.

All the bull $h!t in my life that I kept making excuses for so it would be easier on other people and behaviors by people around me that I kept painting pretty colors when it was anything but pretty...  I just cannot tolerate now.  All the petty bull that is flying all around me is just not tolerable any longer.  My bull $h!t meter has had it's tolerance reset to zero.

Every time someone has the rudeness to say so-and-so said, "blah blah blah."  But she did not really mean it.  She is just trying to put her family first.  Or some other colorwashed excuse...  I just cannot smile and nod and pretend it's really all ok.  I used to.  To make other people's live easier.  But I just cannot.  I simply cannot abide the lies and the pettiness.  And in some cases, I suspect, actual criminal behavior.  Sadly I don't have enough evidence to take it to the authorities.  Sadly.

My ability to tolerate mountains of bull poop died but I did not.  Quite a combination that has become.  I thought nearly dying was supposed to make one mellow full of good cheer.  It just pissed me off. 
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