Ashkiera's Ghost (ashkierasghost) wrote,
Ashkiera's Ghost
ashkierasghost

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Nearly dying is just not what I thought it would be...

Ok...  I’ve got a question for everyone out there.  I nearly died a year ago.  I did not have the typical “Near Death Experience.”  In fact I don’t believe I had anything like the NDEs that I have heard about.  But then I was so drugged out of my head because of pain that I just don’t remember about 2 weeks of my life.  As far as I remember I was in ER, then I was in Telemetry about 14 days later.  No time seemed to have passed to me.  It is like I went to sleep and woke up there.  But I am told I was conscious and interacting during the intervening time.

All I know is that I am very different now.  But it ain’t “love and light” like everyone talks about with NDE’s.  I don’t feel more loving to my fellow human.  I don’t feel more sympathetic or understanding.  I don’t love everyone.  I don’t feel more spiritual.  I don’t have less fear of death (don’t have more fear either).

What I do have is an absolute inability to tolerate the bull$h!t that I had been putting up with.  All my patience went out the window.  And I just CANNOT deal with all the nonsense that has been going on around me for years.  All I want to do is grab certain people by their collars and (excuse the language here) bitch-slap them into next week.

I am so sick of Bull$h!t that I feel like I woke up in that hospital into a brain that is finally working -- and that I had spent all the previous years of my adult life asleep.  Or so dang close to it that it makes no difference.  I feel like when I woke up in Telemetry that I woke up for the first time.  And that I was surrounded in my family and friends by dumb a$$es and criminals.  The only exception to this being my cousin Teresa and my dogs.  Heck, the houseplants on my porch seem to have more common sense than most of the people I have called family and friends.

So what the hell happened to me?  This is not the reaction most people have to a NDE.  Or do only the people that see the light and the tunnel get all “mellow.”  All I got was angry.  But then I do have to admit that the anger is probably justified.  I have allowed things to go on and looked the other way that I should have bitch-slapped someone for a long long long long long time ago.  And I do appear to have a criminal in my close family.  Sadly I don’t have enough proof to take to court.  Would if I could.  Maybe I did just wake up.  Maybe I did....   
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